Illustrated by Kevin Budnik
After so many flailings, my thrashing mistress finally heard my question through all her lashings of me.
"Will you go [lash!] on a date with me?!"
Surprised, and with a smirk across her crimson lips, she hung the whip and came with me to Kuma's! We got to our table for two, and just like a gentleman, I wrenched the human chair back for my date, kicking it lightly in the ass to make it toil back gently towards the table. After silently fidgeting with the rusty staples of the human-leather tablecover, I remembered where I was and whom I was with - this could be make-or-break with my mistress! Feeling just as sweaty as our table, I declared, "You're, uh, you look very lovely tonight, mistress."
A monstrous dark bear swiftly approached and stood in front of us with parchment in his paw. The beast greeted us both with nods and uttered a guttural rumble, "RAAAAAAHHHRR!!!"
"I'll have that," I said, and she ordered the same while shooting me a wicked grin. As the bear stomped away to fetch us our violently delicious burgers, my mistress rubbed my ankle with her hoof underneath the table, and I knew from that game of hoofsie that this was going to be a great date in Hell.